Entitled father expects daughter to support her 3 distant step-siblings when he passes, daughter refuses to take on caretaking role: ‘I'd lose the ability to support myself’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 9, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Every parent has "the talk" with their children at some point late in life. No, not the birds and the bees "talk"… the one about what is going to happen once the parents pass away. Albeit a very difficult talk to have, but very necessary if the parents are leaving behind younger children with additional needs and have no clue who will support them once they're gone.

Is it their adult children's responsibility to put their lives on hold indefinitely to support humans they didn't even bring into this world? I'll say no, especially if they're distant step-siblings. The father in this story disagrees and goes so far as to threaten his daughter's inheritance if she doesn't take full responsibility for her special needs step-siblings once her parents pass. The kicker? Her father doesn't expect his son to help at all. Women aren't created to be caretakers, and the mid-20s woman in this story wants a life of her own. 

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  • The daughter explains that her three step-siblings have additional or “special” needs, but that is not why she refuses to promise responsibility for them. She simply does not have the bandwidth, insurance, or finances to support three children. The kids are over 10 years younger than her, and she was already moved out when her father remarried and had his new wife and her three children move in. Therefore, the daughter has an emotional tethering to the kids in addition to no capability to provide for them. 

  • "Maybe this would be worthwhile if I felt close to them? But they're virtual strangers to me, so I don't."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "My dad expects me to take care of my step-siblings. I said no."

    Up front disclaimers: Throwaway account, all names are fake, you get the idea. My mom and dad divorced when I was younger, and have since remarried. My brother and I are now old enough that both pairs
    via Single-University489
  • have started to have the "if something happened to us" conversations. My mom and her new husband don't have other kids. My dad's new wife has three kids of her own (and I think the two are planning to have a kid together). I'm the oldest of all of us.
    via Single-University489
  • I try to be polite and friendly to my step-family, but I don't see them as my siblings. By the time Kara (step mom) and my dad met, I was already an adult, moved out, and didn't live close
    via Single-University489
  • to home. They're also more than 10 years younger than me. I try to be nice enough, but I just don't know them well. My step-siblings also have special needs that require a reasonably high amount of maintenance (will be relevant later).
    via Single-University489
  • Dad and Kara are both clear that, if something were to happen to my step-siblings, they want me to take them in. I said no. I don't have the time or the energy. My job pays decently, but not
    via Single-University489
  • enough to support four on a single income. And my place isn't big enough. All of this is also compounded by their special needs - I don't have the time or
    via Single-University489
  • energy to meet those; my insurance isn't good enough to cover their care; even with good insurance, I probably couldn't afford their meds. It's not an option for me.
    via Single-University489
  • Dad and Kara have said I'm ableist for refusing to take them in, because *some* of my concerns related to their needs (I want to make it clear my concerns were about my ability to
    via Single-University489
  • support those; when it came to their needs I could support, I didn't bring them up). My step- siblings also have other people who are willing to help - including aunts and uncles who have
    via Single-University489
  • volunteered to take them in if needed. They have somewhere to go. It's not like I'm putting them out on the streets. And again, I don't have resources to support them. They did say that, if I took
    via Single-University489
  • them in, I would get the house (solving the place to live issue). However, I couldn't commute to my current job, and it's unlikely I could find one locally (not an easy to find position where I'm
    via Single-University489
  • from for geographic reasons). I might get the house. But I'd lose the ability to support myself. Maybe this would be worthwhile if I felt close to them? But they're virtual strangers to me, so I don't.
    via Single-University489
  • FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE KB 46279860 I B2 G THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TENDER FOR ALL DEBTS, PUBLIC AND PRIVATE Aon Cosbeds Bahal Tof the United 100 2006 A MED STATES FAMERICA 10 KB 46279860 I 100 UNDRED DOLLARS
    via Planet Volumes For Unsplash+
  • Dad has said that, if I refuse to take them in, I'd lose my inheritance. I've said that's fine - put it in a trust fund for my step- siblings' care. I'm not rich, but I
    via Single-University489
  • don't need the money; it'll help whichever family member does take them in (all of Kara's four siblings are willing to, so again, not turning them out on the streets). But I'm not taking them in. I don't have resources.
    via Single-University489
  • I should also note - I'm a woman, and my brother is a man. When we're home over the holidays, I'm always the one my dad expects to help around the house. My brother, Chris, never is. Chris also
    via Single-University489
  • makes more money, has a more stable job, has enough space, and... isn't thrilled about taking in my step-siblings, but is open. My dad has never put any pressure on him to care for them in any
    via Single-University489
  • capacity. I am older, but we're both in our mid-20s. We're very much adults. Chris would be a reasonable option, but is never brought up as one. Also, his concerns were similar (resources,
    via Single-University489
  • particularly related to the step- siblings' special needs). Surprise surprise, he's never been called "ableist". Dad has also never threatened Chris's inheritance. A lot of this is just misogyny that the women in a family are there to take care of others.
    via Single-University489
  • Sovngarde94 Well... maybe I'm evil for saying that, but... technically, you owe nothing to anybody, especially when family is involved. If you don't want nor feel to take care of special needs step siblings (something that, according to
    via Sovngarde94
  • your perspective, is going to be tough), then you shouldn't, since... well... they aren't your children. You have your own life to live, your own problems to take care of, and many, many other things to do. Don't be upset. Just live your life
    via Sovngarde94
  • yo_yo_yiggety_yo You don't need to explain anything, a simple, "No." is enough. Taking in one child with zero conditions is big enough, but more than one and with developmental issues? Nah, you don't owe them that.
    via yo_yo_yiggety_yo
  • Your dad lives in the 50s. Tell him to eat sh with his misogynistic bulls and to either treat you and your brother the same, or lose you.
    via yo_yo_yiggety_yo
  • ghjkl098 You don't need to justify your choice. "no" is enough of an answer.
    via ghjkl098
  • mcmurrml You don't have to have a reason. You simply can say I don't want to and I don't want the responsibility even if you had the money. Where the hare the kids father and other extended relatives?
    via mcmurrml
  • bippityboppitynope I'd go no contact over this sh.
    via bippityboppitynope

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family drama inheritance aita entitled parents drama AITAH step siblings siblings stepmom reddit story family feud parenting dad entitled family reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail entitled people
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